Alternate Substitute Part-Time Janitor

Alternate Substitute Part-Time Janitor

I got laid off from my job at Taco Bell
So I looked for employment in the Herald Examiner
I found a gig I thought would suit me well
Alternate substitute part-time janitor
Now the nights are lonely as I mop the floors
Makin up rhymes in iambic pentameter
I feel like a leper with running sores
I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I never ever see a human face
In this building a mile in diameter
I been kicked outta the human race
I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I spend half my life leanin on my broom
Dreamin about Cindy Latimer
I swear this job is gonna be my doom
I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I don’t make enough to put food on my plate
I’m livin like a goddamn scavenger
I’m tired of bein a second-rate
Alternate substitute part-time janitor
I’d like to find a job that I could dig
If I could only get the right parameter
I’d take my leave of this shit-eatin gig
Alternate substitute part-time janitor
I went to see this fortune teller
She said my troubles was glandular
But I think I’m just an unlucky feller
I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I wanna have fun like anyone
Before they put me on a catheter
But the girls all act like I’m someone to shun
Cuz I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I wish I had a princess on a hill
And I’d be like her chancellor
But it seems like I can’t even buy a thrill
I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I thought I was gonna get this cutie in bed
I told her I wasn’t no amateur
But she only laughed and said
You’re an alternate substitute part-time janitor
Another gal who was a health food nut
Said she didn’t have room on her calendar
For a joker who wasn’t nothin but
An alternate substitute part-time janitor
I really thought I had a future once
But my dreams have all been massacred
I’m lonely as hell and I feel like a dunce
I’m the alternate substitute part-time janitor
I cleaned up an awful mess last week
It smelled like the opposite of lavender
When somebody misses the toilet seat
They call the alternate substitute part-time janitor
This is the fucked-upest job I ever had
If I may use the vernacular
Even Taco Bell wasn’t half as bad
As alternate substitute part-time janitor
Alternate substitute part-time janitor
Alternate substitute part-time janitor
Alternate substitute part-time janitor
Alternate substitute part-time janitor

© Donald O’Donovan 2010

Books by Donald O'Donovan
The Sugarhouse
Night Train